Since I am at the age where I log into Facebook to find my daily news, I can’t help noticing all the headlines of the “surprise” break-up’s of some well-liked celebrities. This summer was a particular maelstrom of beauty and brawn colliding. One was particularly intriguing for me. I became obsessed with the Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck break up. Facebook wasn’t giving me enough details so I went to People online. Don’t judge me. There was headlining news on my Yahoo page and minute by minute updates. After a week, I was all but bored and then THE NANNY happened; it sent me over the edge. I mean, how pedestrian. Who doesn’t have an affair with the nanny these days?
After reeling from this shocking news, I went to the deep corner of my mind to reflect on my own marriage. By Hollywood standards my hubby and I are ok, heck we might as well be booking a cruise ship to Alaska to celebrate the longevity of our relationship. Why us? Why have we made it this long. We were quite different, he’s an athlete, never wears shoes, and has a regular outfit of Carhart shorts and dirty t shirts. I am lucky to exercise once a week, shopping is my cardio. My favorite band is Duran Duran. I decided to do an outreach to the couples I know on Facebook. I asked why do men cheat with the nanny? The most pervasive answer was that maybe the wife was a dead fish in bed. Ouch. Really, there are plenty of guys that don’t know what they are doing. Not that I know anything about that.
Why was I so obsessed, was I scared, threatened? Not really, but it made me think about the aspects of why my relationship works, somewhat. So, I decided to compile a list of reasons, explanations, rationales, what have you’s as to why my Hollywood marriage has survived. Hopefully, this will shed some light:
1. Both of you must not hate each other at the same time. This is key. If you hate each other together, you might as well call it a day.
2. Always do an activity that you did before you were married. Do you think I want to go rock climbing for three weeks without a shower? No, I do not. But I will do it for a whole day and he gets all the attention.
3. Laugh. That seems easy, but it is not. As you go through the marathon of marriage things come up, responsibilities, kids, family. Don’t forget the laughter.
4. Do not leave each other for weeks at a time. That is my personal stance, I hear disagreement from some of you , but for me one week is enough time apart. You cannot bolt from someone when they are around all the time.
5. Last but not least, have sex, I know you’re tired, man I could go to sleep at 8PM. But, no excuses. Ante up people, there ain’t no free lunch.
There you go, my pearls of wisdom. Feel free to discuss, debate please. However, even after re-reading my list, one of the biggest pieces of the marriage puzzle is that you have to want to be in it, all of it, the crap, the tears, and the lack of hygiene, all of it. Who’s to say what happens in the future, but this is our present. Well, I’m off, I promised my husband we’d go camping in the woods with no bathroom or running water. Neat.
I love you Monica. You’ve been lucky but also work on your relationship. You have always given me the best advice. My favorite piece not hating each other at the same time. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to use your marriage advice. Thanks for sharing.